Today I am thankful that the Lord is always with me. Today was a rough day... I felt really lonely and just down about certain circumstances in my life. Seeing my kindergarteners today made me extremely happy, but at the same time, reminded me of all the sadness and uncertainty that came with leaving them......time out, let me catch some of you up.......So I had a long term sub in K and about 2 weeks ago, the teacher returned to her position. The week I returned to school and found all of this out was the day after I got back from the women's retreat our church took. On that retreat I made a commitment to God, that I was gonna follow Him no matter what trials come. If I'm being honest, I didn't want to follow Him closely before because I know that trials come to those who walk closely with Him--some time ago, I stopped walking and growing in Him and just stayed where I was-- I didn't wanna be a part those storms and trials. I feel like this happened for a few reasons, the main one being because I have seen how Satan attacks people who are living for Christ and how he can bring them down. I figured if I wasn't close with God then Satan would see no need to attack me. And he didn't. I didn't have any "trials" or "storms"- nothing major anyway. Rather than living in freedom and growing in the Lord, I stayed stuck where I was in my Christian walk, satisfied with mediocrity. Being tired of living how I was, I decided what I was hanging on to wasn't worth what I was missing out on in Christ. I decided I was going to again start walking closely with God, no matter what. So, I get to school on Monday and basically find out I will be jobless by the end of the week. Ok, God, you really wanna test my faith this quick?! I couldn't understand why this was happening. Didn't God know that I love these kids? Doesnt he know I what to teach more than anything. This is my passion. This is my calling. Why did I have to leave this class? They were mine-- I had taught them since day 1. At open house, I was there to meet them all. I have realized over the past 2 weeks just how much I love them! I have invested all day, every day my time, energy, and love into these sweet little children. And I wasn't ready to leave. Not 3 months into school...it wasn't the end of the year, I shouldn't have to tell them bye yet. However, I continued to trust God and I sought Him (and continue to seek him eah day). I had forgotten this was not my room and this was not my class--God has something better!
Thats one thing that sometimes causes me to feel lonely. See when you sub, it's not your class, it's "Mrs. __________'s class". For the past 3 months I have been filling in someone else's shoes for someone else's class. It's not a great feeling when you only get to be a teacher when a school needs you to be because someone is out. It's not a great feeling to go by someone else's name. When you walk down the halls and other teachers ask, "Who are you today?" .... But God has something better for me. He has a room that will be mine. He has many classes of children that will be mine. The name outside the door will say Mrs. Schulze. When I sign things or send emails, it will be under my own name! Through all of the loneliness and feeling scared, I know that God is with me. He carries me in his hand each day. He is with me and he has it all planned out. He knows the desires of my heart, he put them there! I just have to try to be patient in waiting for him. So, if you pray, please remember me in your prayers. God has taken care of me so far and he will continue to do so.
Until my next post....
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