All In Time

There's a poem that used to hang on the mirror of my bathroom when I was a teenage girl. It's called "Be Satisfied With Me" and if you haven't read it, you should (even if you aren't a teenager or a girl). I obviously had it hanging because at that age all you I thought about were boys, getting married, having a family, etc. It kind of started to consume my thoughts and life. So, I came across this poem somehow and put it on my mirror and read it (almost) every time I brushed my teeth, washed my face, or just stood in front of my mirror (ha!) It was a great reminder to myself that I should be satisfied in Christ first (before all things, including a boyfriend/husband/fill in the blank). I read it so much, that I'm pretty sure I have some lines memorized. It is something that meant a lot to me and has stayed with me throughout the years.

Yesterday, our church met in a different location. (For those who don't know, there was damage done to our church building by the storms we had last week.) Church was held at the BCM house across from GCSU.

I have the priviledge of helping lead worship with a group of people at Church Central. We usually practice on Sunday mornings before the service. Yesterday was no different. While waiting for the guys to get set up, I go to the restroom (homegirl drinks a lot of water). When I walk in, the very first thing I notice are the bright pink walls. As I wash my hands I look at the mirror and this is what I see..

Only the Lord (and Adam) know my heart lately. It has been heavy and hurting a little. As I re-read this poem, that I thought was only relevant at a certain time in my life, God spoke to me and reminded me that I need to stop worrying about fill in the blank. Stop being anxious. He has it all worked out for me.

"You just keep watching me, expecting the greatest things.
Keep experiencing the satisfaction that I am.
Keep listening and learning the things that I tell you.
Just wait, that’s all.

Don’t be anxious, don’t worry
Don’t look around at things others have gotten
Or that I have given them
Don’t look around at the things you think you want,
Just keep looking off and away up to me,
Or you’ll miss what I want to show you."

By the end of this line, I am in tears (as I almost am now). I'm just overwhelmed. Tired even. I put so much energy into planning, thinking, and worrying about things that, in reality, I cannot control. I feel ashamed and disgusted with myself; with the fact that I often focus more on the things this world offers than what God is trying to show and teach me. All of this happens in a matter of minutes. I hear the guitar start strumming and realize I have to pull it together. I dry my tears, talk to Jesus, regroup and out the door I go.

We had an amazing service by the way. It was awesome to see a group of believers praising God, even though we were somewhere different. It didn't matter that we were in a place most of us had never been before. It didn't matter that all the logistics concerning the service were different, because God is constant. He's the same yesterday, today, and will be tomorrow. He's the same here in central Georgia and waayy up north in Ohio. He's the same in the building where we normally meet for church and the one down the street that we are using temporarily. Like we all keep saying: The church isn't a building, it's a body (group) of believers.

So maybe you're not struggling with relationship issues (as the poem intends its audience to be); maybe you are; maybe it's something else. Right now, in this season of life, for me it is something else. But, the point of the poem is still relevant. God works things out in one of two ways: the ways we hope and pray for, or some other way that is better, even if we don't see it like that at the time. However you want to look at it, I trust that the Lord will work these things out in my life and in yours. All in His time.

The Home Stretch

The night before race day. You pick out your dri fit top and make sure you have running shorts to match (well, at least I do, Fashionista much?!)... Will it be chilly enough for leggings? Make sure you have both shoes. IPod fully charged. Headphones, check. Matching headband, check (again, Diva). Set your alarm. Some even carb up at meal time, or just pig out and use that as an excuse to do so (this girl). Attempt to get a good night of sleep.
The morning of race day. Crawl out of bed. Get dressed. Gear up. Pick up your friends. Head to the race. You pull up on the scene, silently scoping out the competition, looking for people you assume will be in your age group. These are the ones you want to keep your eye on. Get in line for the porter potty, stand around in a circle and stretch or just complain about how cold and rainy it is. Then it's time. You make your way to the starting line. Some of you stay together, while others part, knowing we will meet again at the finish line. The announcer goes over all of the blah, blah, blah, stuff I don't have to worry because I won't be leading the pack and don't have to worry about the pace car. Headphones in. Jams turned up. I really didn't want to be there because honestly I haven't run in quite a while and I just wasn't feeling it (yesterday). Cold + rain, for me = a nice day to lay around in comfy clothes on my couch, not get up at 5:45, drive an hour and go run 3.1, but hey, I'm here. I might as well do my best, or at least run fast so I can hurry up and be finished! It almost seems silly to drive all that way just to run 3 miles, which seems like a warm up these days. (It hasn't always been that way for me!) Here's more on my running journey, if you're bored :) But, there's something about a race, no matter the distance, that is addictive (in the most spiritual way). The horn goes off and the race is under way....
Now, If you're a runner or have ever run a race before, you can relate to this.. there is always a point in every race where all of a sudden, you are running alone. I'm not sure how it happens. You think, "Where did all the runners go?" As you look ahead, you think "How will I ever catch up with those people?" And as you run alone, you wonder, "Where is everyone? I know they're back there somewhere." For me this happened yesterday at about the 2 mile mark. I only have about a mile left to run. My breathing is a little out of control because, like I said, it has been a while since I've run, but I start thinking to myself (and saying out loud as I sometimes do), "One mile, c'mon you can do this! This is nothing! You got it." And I start to think about how this last little bit of the race can be related to my life. (I've been doing that a lot lately) Anyways, I start thinking about how I want to finish this race. I want to do well. Because, really, when you're a runner, your competition isn't the long legged 20-something year old girl that you assume is in your age group. You aren't really there to beat her. You are racing against yourself. There's something about running that compels you to do your personal best and a rush that comes when you do (beat your previous times). I want to finish this race well, literally (on race day) and metaphorically (in life). Sometimes, during the race, it seems like your alone, tired, unsure if you can finish, not to mention finish well. As is life... spiritually, those who have a relationship with God, we go through times where we feel alone, tired, unsure if we can finish, not to mention finish well. But, it's during those times we have to remember that God is always with us, even when it doesn't feel like it. He's on our side. He's fighting for us, always. He's our cheerleader, saying, "You can do this, I've got you. I know what's up ahead. Just keep pushing and I will give you strength to take on whatever you face."
So, as all these things run through my mind, I have zoned out, and before I know it, I'm close to the finish. With only a few tenths of a mile left, I pull out my headphones and am now audibly encouraging myself (and the man beside me) "You're right there. Push. You've got this." To my surprise, he starts saying, "C'mon girl, we've got this. Let's go." The finish line is in sight. The clock reads 27:15. Say whaaa? I exclaim (to my stranger man racing buddy), "Oh my gosh, my best time!" We finish together. High fives. I'm pumped. Runner's high for sure. (You get this if you are a runner)
Anyways, I'm not sure if there has been a clear point to this post, but lastly I will say this... As I run my best time (27:27), ever, for the short amount of time I have called myself a runner, I come away with a few thoughts. In life, I want to do my best. I want to put my efforts and energy into things that matter, things that will have weight in eternity. I want to invest in things that will last, not things that will be blown or washed away. When the road I'm going down seems long and endless, I will remember that there is a great God who is on my side. He is cheering me on. He is my strength, my comfort and my peace. He is enough. He is my all. I want to finish well and as long as I keep my eyes focused on him, I will.
Until my next post...

My Reflection

I recently posted about how I am an avid skygazer. I wrote about how God often shows me things when I sit and watch the sky at sunrise or sunset. Tonight, Adam and I sit on our back porch and watch that huge ball of fire appear as if it's falling off the face of the earth. He says, "No clouds in the sky. Not much of a sunset tonight, baby." I think about what he says and here's what I notice... The sun rises and falls every day. It doesn't depend on anything in order to do its job. Some evenings it sets with puffy clouds scattered about, reflecting brilliant colors onto them as it tucks away for the night. Some evenings, much like tonight, it sets with no clouds at all, shining brilliantly all on its own. Either way it's still the sun. Still powerful. Still bright and brilliant. It doesn't need the clouds in order to set, but when they're there, the sky is prettier and it draws more attention.
I say all of that to say this. God is kind of like the sun and we (Christians) are the clouds. When in the right place, we reflect his character. When in the right place, God's love, joy, peace and grace can be seen by others in our lives. No, He doesn't need us in order to be God, in order to be seen or heard. But some people learn more about Him through watching those who call themselves Christians than they do sitting through church services every Sunday. I know this is central Georgia, but not everyone goes to church. Don't be shocked. To some people, we are the only display of who God is. Yes we are still human and make mistakes, but we should be reflecting Jesus in our lives if we know him and have a relationship with him. So, I challenge you (as I am challenging myself) to think about what that means as you go to work or school each day. As you go to Wal-Mart and out to eat. What are you reflecting in your life?

Until my next post..

It's Not Me, It's You

One of my favorite, favorite, favorite (there should be a word that means more than favorite) things to do is look at the sky. Sunrise, sunset, clouds, stars, sun, moon. I'm fascinated by it all. I think it's beyond amazing that there's a ball of fire out there just chilling (and that it doesn't fry us all as it appears each day). I'm intrigued by each star and how it lights up the night sky. I (usually) wake up eager to see how God will color the sky for my morning ride to school. I can't wait to see what the sunrise will bring, what the clouds will look like, if there are any at all. No two sunrises, sunsets, or night skies are exactly the same. This is what keeps me waiting with anticipation for the next one to make its debut.

I say all that to say this- lately, I've been taking time to really slow down and enjoy each color, cloud, and ray of light as the sun rises and falls. I have found this is when God most often speaks to me (when I slow down to listen), whether reminding me of his promises or deepening my understanding of who he is. During these times he shows me his power and greatness. There's always some little treasure that I take away each time I stare into the sky.

Here's a nugget I'll share with you: Some days it's rainy and cloudy. Usually, on these kinds of days, the sun is not visible. We can't see it. When we go without it for too long, we look forward to the time when it comes out again. What we forget is that the sun is still there, somewhere above the clouds and rain, it's burning bright as it always does. It's constant. I think you know where I'm going here... It's the same with God. Sometimes we don't feel like we can see or hear him, but it's during those times we have to remember he is always with us. He's constant and faithful. He will never leave us or forsake us.

(a little off track, so let me refocus)

Some people are not awake as early as the sun rises and some have things that keep them busy as it sets. I have been there. In fact, if I didn't have to be, I'm not sure I'd be up at 6 a.m. every day. So, I share with y'all the beauty you may be missing out on. Most times I write a little blurb to go with my picture and lately people have been saying things like "Thanks for this reminder" "How encouraging" "How positive" and I got to thinking...... Let me be transparent for a moment, the first time I read a comment like this, I started to pat myself on the back. Go me. Super Spiritual Suzie- yay-yah! whoop! whoop! Then I thought to myself, "What in the world is going on? Who is this person being so positive and happy all of the time?" Because if I'm honest with myself, unfortunately that is not a strength of mine (bubbly, positive, overly happy). I don't even speak to people in the mornings. I'm not even sure I like mornings.

I won't sit here and pretend I have no clue what is going on. It's the joy that comes from spending time with Jesus through prayer and reading my bible. It was obviously showing without me realizing it. Any of you who know me, KNOW I am not Mrs. Positivity, Mrs. Personality, or Mrs. Good Morning Sunshine, at least not when I'm living in the flesh. The beauty of having a relationship with Christ is that I can be all of those things through him. I can be the positive person who encourages others. I can be the person who introduces herself to strangers (and does it with a smile). I can portray all of these qualities when my life revolves around Jesus and the Word (bible). You see, when you're so consumed with Jesus and you're focus is him, these things are reflected in your life without you realizing it. It's not me actually choosing to be joyful, peaceful, and encouraging. I don't choose to be those things. Those things are evident in my life as a result of spending time with God. The beauty of having a relationship with Christ is that it's not about me (Thank you, Lord because I am a wreck), but it's all about him. When you really live that out in your life, when you're identity (who you are) is found in him, you can be that person you want to be (it may be different qualities for you). Does this mean we are perfect? No. Do I still get ill and act like a diva? .... Yes, yes I do, especially when I get hungry and sometimes for no reason because I'm just a brat. I'm rotten, spoiled, and entitled. But Jesus makes those things easier to deal with and manage in my life. Because it's not about me. It's all about him.

Lord, thank you that it is not me, but it is You!

That Hurts

I bought a book Friday, Jesus Is ______.  So far it is awesome. I blew through the first chapter and wanted to keep reading, but made myself stop. I wanted to let all I had read really sink in. If you're on Twitter (and follow me), you know I was basically tweeting everything I read. No, really. It was all so good and God was showing me so much I wanted to share it all with everyone. I finally mellowed out because I figured Judah Smith probably didn't appreciate me tweeting the entire book. The first chapter is titled Jesus is your friend. Oh. my. goodness. It is packed full of good stuff, but I'll only share a little with you..

First of all, why do we as christians people like to look down on others? "I don't really do that." If you're honest, you probably have done or still do this in one way or another. For example, we look at Ms. Super Sinner and think "Whew! At least I'm not that bad." Or, in the words of Judah, "We gleefully hold up notorious evildoers as marvels of depravity, examples of just how bad people can get. Then we finish off our lattes, load our 2.2 children into our almost-paid-off SUVs, and head off to contribute to society." In reality, there are no extra-small, medium-small, large, or extra-large sins. God just calls sin, sin. This puts me on the same level as my alcoholic family member, the ex-church member who stole money, the guy that can't stay off drugs or out of jail and the girl who has slept with more guys than she can keep up with... Ouch, that kind of stings... As Judah says, it takes courage and humility to recognize we are just as messed up as any of the people I just described. The scary part is most of us will never get this honest with ourselves, or God. We will continue with our good deeds, trying to earn God's attention and love, and nothing will ever change. We're all messed up and in need of God's grace and love. As soon as we can get honest with ourselves (and God) we can live in freedom. "God doesn't define us by our actions, but by his love." Thank you, Lord.

Instead of looking down on these "really bad" people, we should make it a point to love them, just as Jesus did when he walked the earth. He was, after all, a friend of sinners. I think we hear that phrase too often. You just read that and didn't think twice about what that would really look like in your life. We hear 'friend of sinners' and let it go in one ear and out the other, never taking time to fully grasp the weight of what that means.

It is, however, easier to seperate ourselves from these "horrible" people. (Now is the part where I will heavily quote the book because he just writes it perfectly). "If I seperate myself from sinners, I don't have to deal with their pain. I don't have to walk in their shoes or love them or let my heart break with theirs. I don't have to get my hands dirty helping them put the pieces of their lives back together. I can justify rudeness and indifference when my heart should bleed with compassion. I can ignore the fact that but for the grace of God I would be doing exactly what they are doing. [...] If I seperate myself from sinners, I don't risk my own reputation. I remain a member in good standing of the holier-than-thou club, where we sit around congratulating each other on how much better we look than everyone else while agreeing that the world is going to hell in a handbasket (whatever a handbasket is) [...] Most telling of all, if I seperate myself from bad people, I feel better about myself. Because compared to them, I'm doing pretty well." All of the bolded words are my excuses. I read this and felt like someone had plugged in a blinking arrow and pointed it right in my face. So, rather than condemning you for not living up to my standards, I will remind myself of how desperately in need I am of Jesus' grace.

I want to do like Judah and resolve to open my heart to others who may live differently from me. I don't want to feel sorry for them, "make a project out of them", or "turn them into a trophy of my evangelism". I just want to be their friend. A true friend.

God show me how to live this out in my life. Help me to love others as you love me.
Until my next post...

That's Life

Blog world! It has been far too long. Lots has happened since my last post, but I won't bore you with all of the details. For those of you who are reading this and thinking, "What? This girl blogs? Weird..." yeah, don't judge. It's just something I enjoy sometimes. And yes, if you go back, there are lots of pointless posts that you will read and probably wish you had the 5 minutes of your life back that you just spent reading about mine. (I was unemployed for a while there.) Anyways! I'm hoping to start writing about things with a little more substance. Things that matter a little bit more.

Tonight we went to our first life group. Some of you are wondering what that is. Well, it's simple. It's basically a group of people that get together and "do life" together. Adam and I first heard about life groups about two years ago. We never went to one because we didn't fit in with any group  kept coming up with excuses not to go hang out with people for one night a week. If I'm honest, that scared me to death (and still kinda does). After all, I wasn't sure I wanted to share my problems in life with a group of strangers and, honestly, I didn't care to hear about theirs either. (Queen of Selfishness) We are young...and married. At the time, we were 21 and 20 and most kids our age are not exactly Newlyweds! We don't have kids, we aren't old, etc., etc. Really, they were all excuses.

More than two years later, here we are. Finally experiencing our first life group. It wasn't as scary as expected. In fact, it was very refreshing. We're doing a study called "I Am Second", whew God really knows what I need hear! We watched two videos of people giving their stories and then we pretty much just talked about our lives and discussed different things (which, as 'shy' or 'quiet' as I may be, I did enjoy). Then we prayed and left. Wait, did I miss something? Where's the outline? I didn't even get to fill in any blanks or takes notes. That IS why I brought a notebook. Where's my homework? We don't have a scripture memory verse for the week? Uh, ok..

Then we got in the truck, headed home and it clicked. Life groups are about sharing your life with other people, or "doing life" together. It's about talking through what's going on in life and being there for each other through each situation. It's a time where you can be open and honest and learn from each other. It doesn't have to be just another intense bible study complete with handbooks, blanks, homework, and scripture memory verses for each week. NOT to say those type of studies are bad, I actually enjoy the structure of filling in the blanks and doing homework. But, I think for this season in life, God knows I need something simple. I need something that doesn't require as much as other studies I've done in the past. He is teaching me to live simply and showing me that I don't have to follow all the rules that we as Christians put in place to make ourselves feel closer to him by following. Just love God and love people.

My excuse for not going to a life group because we didn't 'fit' was blown out the window tonight. As I sat in a room with a man probably in his late 40s, one couple with children in 6th grade and 2nd grade, and another couple with kids ages 4 and 1, I realized it's not as much about your age or season in life as it is about growing closer to God with other believers. We are all at very different stages of life, but we have the most important things in common: 1. We're all broken and need help, grace, and love. 2.We want to know God better and love people more. I'm excited about what God is going to do during this time each week and what he is going to teach each of us. I can't wait until we meet again next week. 5:30. If you're interested, you should come. We'd love to "do life" with you!