The Story of the Poptart

When preparing for our mission trip to Jamaica, I packed a good amount of snacks, knowing I probably wouldn't each much. Supper included things like chicken foot soup, stewed chicken, rice, etc. I don't even eat regular soup.... just to give you an idea of how picky I am. This is something I know about myself and I knew it would be one challenge I'd face throughout the week. However, I was willing to put myself through this small discomfort in order to go on the trip. Needless to say, I lived on granola bars, fruit snacks (chewies), and poptarts. There were times when I was so hungry, even these snacks did not fill me up. I knew the hunger pangs were temporary and I'd soon be back home with a house full of food, so I tried not to think about it too much.

As the week came to an end, I actually had a good bit of food left; some applesauce, a few packs of crackers, 4 packs of poptarts, and some fruit chews. Not wanting to pack it in my luggage, I decided to give away as much of it as I could and leave the rest at the house for the kids. So on our last morning, after packing, I decided to go see if the team wanted any of it before I took it to the kitchen to leave for the kids. The poptarts were the first to go. People would ask, "Are you sure you don't want them?" "Are you sure you don't want one?" I answered "no" and at the time, I honestly didn't want one. As I passed out the last one and walked back to my room, I thought, "Man, I should've kept one for myself... just in case.... I am kind of hungry." I walked back down to my room. I grabbed my bag, put my sheets in a pile, and grabbed my camera and ipod. As I finished packing things into my bookbag, I saw a shiny wrapper laying in the bottom of the front pocket. "Yes!" It was a poptart that I had packed to take out as a snack earlier in the week and had completely forgotten about. Although it was smushed and broken into about 30 pieces, it was the yummiest raspberry poptart I'd ever eaten.

God reminded me of two things:
One, that I am called to give and sacrifice in order to help others. This could be giving my money, time, energy, and or resources. I should give without expecting something in return. I should give without expecting recognition. I should give without expecting results.

Two, in the simplest way, God reminded me of how he provides for me. When I think I'm running out, he is there to fill me back up. When I can't understand, he brings clarity and peace. When I'm hungry, he feeds me. When I'm thirsty, he gives me something to drink.

He doesn't always promise us a poptart right when we think we need it, but he does promise to provide for us in every way, in his perfect time. He will meet all our needs. It may not be when or how we think he should provide for us, but his ways are higher than our ways, and we are to put our trust in him.

So, I leave you with these questions...to chew on:
(no pun intended...actually I did do that on purpose!)
-Do you know this God that I often write about, I mean really know him? If not, I challenge you to ask someone you feel comfortable with about this guy named Jesus. Find out for yourself if he is who he says he is and really did what he says he did.

-If you have a relationship with him, are you giving all your poptarts away? Are you giving them away without expecting recognition or results?

-Are you trusting that God will provide for all your needs and that he will take care of you in every way?

Hmmm... that's a lot to think on!
Until my next post.....

The Strange Transition

Emotional. One word that accurately describes arriving back in the states yesterday. We have spent the last week in Jamaica and got back home yesterday. After seeing all that we did this past week, it feels very odd to be surrounded by so much. I can't really explain the feeling. It is very odd. All week we had what we needed: food, shelter, a bed (bunk-bed style), showers (although cold), and electricity. Just the basics, but exactly what you need to live. No unnecessary "excess" stuff.

As I pull into my neighborhood, lined with two-story homes, each with at least one car filling the driveway, I can't help but feel an overwhelming sense of emotion. As I walk inside our air conditioned house, set to a particular temperature, I place my belongings on our granite countertop and take it all in. Tears stream down my face. All of the decorations, electronics, furniture; little things that we take for granted. They seem to consume the inside of the house. I wash off in our shower, lined with tile, complete with double shower heads on either wall, and at the water temperature I desire. I'm overwhelmed with just how much we have. I'm overwhelmed by this life of luxuary we live. I don't feel sorry for those who I know are still in Jamaica, because most are content with what they have, but rather, I feel very blessed. You see most live without warm water, air conditioning, shoes and clothes that fit and match, and many other small things we take for granted in America, but they are happy with what they have. Cool showers are a way of life, some even wash in the river. They have clothes on their backs, though not expensive or designer name brands. Most live day to day, with just enough to survive. We aren't rich by any stretch, at least not by American standards. But, even the poorest of the poor here in our community have far more than most I met in Jamaica. It sounds cliché, but it's so true.

On the other hand, I'm sad to be back home, for things to return to normal. In a way, I feel that when my schedule returns to normal, somehow all I've experienced will slip away. I don't want the busy-ness of this American life to crowd out the simplicity and humility I've experienced. So, I'm holding on to all the memories as tight as I can. I don't want to ever forget the faces I saw in Jamaica. I don't want to forget any of the people I met there. I don't want to forget the poverty I saw. I don't want to forget the brokenness, but I also don't want to forget the joy. I don't want to forget the lack of innocence I saw in most of the children. I don't want to forget how starved they were for attention and love. I don't want to forget their excitement over small toys from the dollar store. I don't want to forget the hunger people have there for the Gospel and good news of Jesus. Most, just waiting and desperately seeking something to hold on to. I don't want to forget how content they were with what little they had. I don't want to forget Lisa, Stephanie, or Babs. I don't want to forget the little girl who begged and begged me for water. I don't want to forget the sweet, sweet children and people who live at the house where we stayed: Deanna, Samson, Joshua, Moses, Jadah, Sheena, Felix, Bryan, Jim and Penny. I don't want to forget their energy. I don't want to forget their boldness.

There are so many memories that I don't want to let slip away. I hope through journaling, pictures, and video, they will stay with me. This trip has been life changing. Words can't describe what we have experienced. I'm still trying to process it all. The people and places I saw will hopefully stay with me forever.

Are You Sure?

That's not what he meant...surely!
He wasn't talking to me.
I don't think he really wants me to do that.

All of these are 'excuses' I've given when I feel like God is telling me to do something. It can be big. It can be small. It's usually something I think will be difficult for me to do-that's why I put it off or file it in the back of my brain until the next time it comes up. God has never spoken to me audibly. I've heard very few people who have claimed that he has spoken audibly to them. BUT, there are times where I know he is telling me to do certain things, and often times, I just blow him off. I was going to word that a little more gently, but I'm just telling it how it is. I ignore him. I pretend I don't know what he wants me to do and I make all kinds of excuses for putting off whatever IT is. I ignore him for a little while and then the same thing pops back up again. And I think, God, are you sure? I mean, is that really what you want me to do? Of course he's sure, he's God. He's in control of all things.

I'm not sure if any of you are like me in this way, doubting God in this way. Do I put these things off because of fear? Often times I fear what people will think of me. I fear I won't be able to do whatever it is he wants me to do, due to lack of knowledge or resources. I don't believe he will walk with me through it. I doubt that he could really want to use me to do, well, anything.

God calls ordinary people to do extraordinary things. I know this is true, but sometimes I don't live like it's true. This means he uses regular people like me to do incredible things for him-not because there's anything great about me, but because everything is great about him! God is always with me, through each step of my journey in life. This should comfort me-always-but sometimes I allow fears and anxieties to choke out this truth. These are some things I say I believe, but at times I don't really live them out in my life.

I want to encourage you, as I encourage myself at the same time: whatever it is that God is calling you to do right now, have the faith to do it. Don't question God. Don't ask him if he's sure. Don't ignore him. Just step out in faith. Believe he will guide each step, because he will.

Oh, and this post was definitely directed at myself, but maybe some of you can benefit from it as well!

It's Not About Me?

I don't like the songs they sing at church.
I don't like the order of the service.
I don't like the way he preaches.

I'm scared they might not like me.
I'm scared they might think I sing bad.

I didn't really feel like God spoke to me.
I didn't really get anything out of that service.

Transparent moment-I am guilty of saying all of the above. Why do we make things all about us? In church, in our relationships, in life, and in general. I don't know about you, but lots of times I go to church with the mindset of "what can I get out of this service". While this mentality isn't completely wrong, I believe God wants us ("believers") to get the bigger picture. There's more to church than just what we can take away from a service, what we like or don't like about the way it happened.

The same goes for our relationship with God, well at least for me. I open my bible and many times think "God I know you want to speak to me. What is it you want to show me?" Even when I pray I'm guilty of making it all about me "God, I am really nervous about __________... please help me" While it's not wrong to come to our quiet/study time with expectation and it's not wrong to ask God for things, we just get mixed up sometimes. We place the emphasis on ourselves when it should be on God.

Also with friends, family members, even our spouses, we make these relationships all about us. "I really wish he did this and I wish he didn't do this. I don't like when she does this and I don't want her to do that." Again, all things I'm guilty of, but this is really another post in itself.  When we don't make these relationships about ourselves, we make them about the other person, which also isn't entirely right. Some of you are like, whaaa? I agree, this paragraph is kinda confusing. Let's see if this helps:

God should be put first in every relationship. He should be the center of each of them. Here's why:
This morning our pastor said something interesting. I won't quote him because I couldn't write fast enough, but basically he said: Some churches are based all around a person (the preacher) or his personality. The problem with this is that when that person fails and makes a mistake, everything around that person (the church) falls apart. Pastor Jeff is great and he made a good point, but I got to thinking and this is what I wrote in my notes (exactly): When churches are anything is based around a person, everything falls apart when that person fails. I won't re-write my previous post, but this concept is not just limited to churches basing their existence on their pastor. This is true in our personal lives with our friends, family, and spouses. There has to be more to these relationships than just a dependence on another person. They will fail and let you down. Without God I have no hope or consistency. As great as Adam is, he makes mistakes (as do I), but my life doesn't fall apart when he does. This brings me to something else I'd like to blog about....maybe next time. I'm getting off track!

So, the reoccurring theme in my life lately: "It's not about you". I don't like to hear that. I don't like to say "It's not about me." because I'm self-absorbed and sometimes think it should be. My relationship with Christ is not about me. (Shocking, I know! This is not something I gave any thought to until recently.) Salvation, as Pastor Jeff said, was about me for only a split second. After I accepted Christ, life became about God using me and God doing what he wants through me. We make the bible about us, we make ministry about us, but when we do this we've got it all wrong. In my own life I need to stop focusing attention on myself. I also need to do as Pastor Jeff said and "stop hoarding the gospel and share it with those who need it". Ouch. What is my problem? I know about a great God who is able to change lives, yet I keep my mouth closed and don't tell anyone about the "good news"; about the fact that there is a God who loves them and who sent his son to die for them so that they can have a relationship with him. Instead, I keep it all to myself as if John 3:16 says "for God so loved Cason that he gave his only son so that she can have everlasting life if she believes..." While this is true-he did love me so much that he sent his son and my relationship with him is personal, he doesn't love only me. He doesn't love only the people who are in church every Sunday. He so loved the world... and I know that means more than just me. And if you've never experienced the love of God, if you don't have a relationship with him and don't really even know what that means, I encourage you to talk to someone you feel comfortable with about it. Ask questions and find out for yourself if God really is who he says he is.

"This is what I know..." (in honor of my post being based on this morning's sermon) ...the more time I spend alone with God, the more I realize it's not about me. Why does God keep reminding me of the fact that it's not about me? Because he knows I need the reminder...daily. About three months ago, God really started showing me this simple truth. He challenged me to grow up in my faith and take the next step in learning what it means to follow him. It's still a foreign thought for me to think church is not about me, my relationship with Christ is not about me, my purpose in life is not about me. It's like as soon as I say it, I start my next sentence and I've already forgotten. I end one sentence with "it's not about me" and start the next one as if it is. It's something I'm learning and growing through. I could not be more thankful for the place God has brought us to. I'm so thankful for a simple church that delivers simple messages in a simple format. Thank you Jeff and Church Central for all you do.

Until my next post...

Our New Home

Today was a big day in the life of our church. It meant different things for different people. Some saw it as a return to their updated 'home.' For me, it was a special day with a different kind of meaning- a fresh start with a unified body that has welcomed us with open arms since the first day we walked in.

About 7 months ago, we decided that we needed to start looking for another church to call home. There were many things that affected our decision. It was one of the hardest things I've ever done-leaving a place you call home, full of many people you've grown up around. Adam and I 'reconnected' there (hehe). I accepted Christ there. I started singing in church there. We grew up in the youth there. We grew in our faith there and learned what it really meant to be a 'christian'. We were married there. We grew very close to many sweet people there. So leaving was hard, but at the same time we knew God was calling us to somewhere else. We didn't have a clue where.

We knew some of our close friends were visiting Church Central so, being my stubborn self, I refused to go there for the first couple Sundays. I didn't want to go there "just because others were". I don't usually like to follow the crowd, and sometimes, as if I have something to prove, I do the complete opposite. We visited around to different churches and eventually CC. Everything was all so different and new, so I wasn't sure how I felt about any of the churches we visited.

The more we visited CC, the more I realized that the core people there are legit. They love the Lord and they have a heart for people. They're simple, but effective. They get it. They get what this 'church thing' is all about. Pastor Jeff is one of the nicest guys I've ever met. I don't even know him very well, but you can just tell that he genuinely loves God & people. Not just the ones who look or talk like him, but all kinds. (I'm getting ahead of myself)

Needless to say, before we knew it, we were reluctant to visit elsewhere on Sundays for fear of what we may miss out on at CC. We decided in January, I think, to become partners there. We, along with many others, joined this core body of people in the mission of "bringing them in, building them up, and sending them out". They welcomed us in and we got right to work, but if I'm completely honest (why not? My last post was crazy transparent, so this is nothing, right?!) I kind of felt like we hadn't really meshed all the way with the people who were already there before us. In my mind, there was kind of an 'us and them' mentality. Not that I didn't want to get to know each of them, but I figured it would take time for us to feel at home and really take ownership of the fact that this was now our church too.

Shortly after we joined CC, I started singing with the (I'm not sure what we call ourselves) worship band (?). You get what I mean. I was starting to feel more a part of CC, by helping to lead worship, but there was still some mixing left to do. Fast forward a couple weeks to when we had the really bad storms that came through. If you don't already know, there was a lot of damage done to the building-the roof was ripped off, water damage, etc. It was messy. It seemed hopeless to some- those who proposed that maybe the church should just close and move on. Surely this was a sign that that was what God wanted (this is another blog post in itself). Oh! By the way, those people had it all wrong :) So we temporarily met at another location while we fixed up the building.

It hit me about 2 weeks before we planned to move back into the building. I realized, personally, what God was doing through this building project. Not only was he teaching me more about who he is, amongst other things, but he was unifying (more so) this newly knit body of believers. I knew when we came back to the building, it would be a fresh start for all of us. There would be no 'us-them' mentality because we had all come together during this tough time. We stuck it out and came through it, better.

I was right. This morning was unlike anything I've experienced before. Walking in and helping lead worship in a place that once felt very strange, yet continued to draw us in, I felt completely at home; overwhelmed with peace; the holy spirit so thick, you could almost feel his presence; looking out and seeing these people, who are my new family, worshiping freely. It was beyond amazing.

I am so thankful that while we had no clue what our next move would be or where we would end up, God was directing our path the whole time. He knew we would join this family of amazing people and help them spread Jesus through Milledgeville and the world. God has revived me and brought me back to life spiritually. I am closer to him now than I have ever been. His hand is at work in this group of people and it is very evident. I am thrilled to see what God will do in and through Church Central in the coming months and years. 

So today I am overflowing with thankfulness, gratitude, humility, peace and joy. I was once uncertain, but now couldn't be more sure that we are right where God wants us to be. The journey was not easy, but I'm glad he has led us to our new home.

You're Invited

From the outside, she looks mad at the world. She doesn't make this face on purpose, it just comes across that way because there's so much bitterness, sadness, and anger that's been building over a lifetime. Don't count on her speaking to you unless you make the first move. You see, she is so consumed with herself, she doesn't really care about what you have to say. She won't ask how you are because, to her, it doesn't really matter. If the conversation isn't about her, she's less than interested. It takes a while to get to know her. Few ever make it past the surface. I don't want to make excuses for her, but there are reasons she asks this way. They aren't excuses. They're simply reasons she has used to shut herself off from the outside world. You see, when you first meet her, she has to make a decision: let the wall down and allow you get to know the real her, or keep the wall up and maintain a shallow realtionship. Every now and then she will decide that you're worth her time. This girl is not fun to be around. She's very negative. She never smiles. She's not very happy, and you annoy her if you are. I'm really not sure how she has friends.

She's been building this wall she keeps up for years. Each brick laid comes from disappointment after diappointment. Loss after loss. Heartbreak after heartbreak. Don't be fooled. Her life has not been full of trials and hardships, that's why the wall is so transparent. It's like she doesn't even know it's there. She doesn't see it. She doesn't care about you and your life, but she doesn't know why. She knows there's a hardness, but she can't explain it. There aren't major life events that have put this wall in front of her. However, there have been people who have let her down and broken her heart.

That was her first mistake. Somewhere along the way, she started relying on other people for her joy, fulfillment in life, and contentment. She needed them as a crunch to help carry all the baggage she brings along. She put all her hope and trust in the relationships she built, and people let her down. People left, people disappointed her. They moved. They went back on their word or turned their backs on her. Each broken relationship leading to another brick being laid. The more people let her down, the less likely it became that she would let you in. So rather than getting to know people, she just worried about herself. She would be safe, consumed with her own little world. The more she shut people out, the less opportunities they would have to hurt her.

The problem she had was that she depended on people so much; when they were gone, she was left with nothing. When the people she relied on for happiness disappeared, she was left with sadness. When the people she relied on for joy went away, she was left with bitterness. When the people she relied on for contentment left her, she didn't know who she was.

I'm SO thankful that the girl I'm writing about is no longer me. I finally, after many years, realized that I'm putting my trust into the wrong things. I can't rely on people to be all of those things for me. They will let me down. People will leave, for whatever reason. People are mean and hateful. They will hurt my feelings. People will break my heart.

I'm so glad that there is a God who loves me more than anyone on this earth can. I can trust him. I can count on him. He will never leave me. He's faithful and constant. He is always there for me and he's not going anywhere. He can handle my baggage. He gives me joy. He gives me purpose in life. My fulfillment is found in him. He understands me and sees to my core. His love is greater than that of any I've experienced from people in my life. He gives me hope. He gives me joy. He gives me peace. He gives me strength. He is my rock to lean on. He's more than enough for me. He meets all of my needs.

He knocks down the wall I've worked so hard on. He gives me boldness and confidence. He gives me compassion and makes me selfless. When my instinct is to shut you out, he says "Remember, it's not about you. They may need someone to tell them hey, ask them how they are, or just flash a smile." He reminds me that he puts people in my life for a reason. Although I don't always want to, he compels me to invite you in. He assures me that it's okay to let down my guard because when you let me down, he is there to sustain me. So, you're invited. You're invited to get to know this girl (who, at times, is a mess). She's working hard at keeping her guard down and getting to know you. She doesn't want to miss out on any more blessings by shutting people out. 

I have tendencies to revert back to this old me. She's a diva. She can be fiesty. She's selfish and no fun to be around. When she shows up, I have to immediately shut her down and turn her off (Some of you are thinking "She has an alter-ego....kinda like Beyonce"......not quite. Others of you are concerned that I'm talking about myself in third person. I'm okay, really!) I'm thankful that Jesus is greater than my struggles and even when I give in to the fight, God still loves me. I'm thankful for his grace and his mercy. Without it, I know the person I'd be and I don't like her. My prayer for you, yes you reading this, is that you come to know this love, this forgiveness, this acceptance. God is good. He's not some mean being that wants to strike you with lightning. He formed and created you. He loved you before the creation of the world and he's waiting for you. He's waiting for you to stop trying to fix yourself and for you to bring the broken pieces of your life to him so that he can put you back together.

Cork or Lure

This past weekend I was able to do something I haven't done in a while. I went fishing with my daddy, stepmom, little brother, and granddaddy. When I was younger, this was something we did regularly. Now that my brother and I are older and kind of have our own things going on, we don't get as many chances to go fishing as a family. Many memories have been made with lines cast, sitting around water. Most involve slimy worms, pliers, and the occasional "SET THE HOOK!". When I was younger I didn't realize it, but these times are some that I will hold close to my heart forever.

I remember being young and baiting my own hook (sometimes even baiting my brothers, shhh! Don't tell him I told you that) with a worm or minnow. Back then, and even recently, I would fish using a cork. It's the way I grew up fishing! It can be pretty boring at times. You bait the hook, cast the line, and .... sit.... and sit..... and sit... and you watch the cork as it sits on top of the water, bait dangling below. I remember feeling like I was staring a hole through my cork; thinking if I didn't take my eyes off of it, then a fish would be more likely to come by and grab onto my hook! This kind of fishing involves a lot of sitting and waiting, hence the reason we have so many funny memories. When you're sitting around waiting for a bite, you get pretty bored staring at a cork that isn't moving and you find ways to enterain yourselves and make each other laugh. So you continue to laugh, or stare at the water until you see a little bobble and feel a little tug. You give it just a second, and then you do what I believe is one of the most important steps in fishing- Daddy likes to refer to this snatching of the line up and back as "setting the hook". And when he yells "set the hook!" he doesn't mean just a tug back, he means... well I won't give out the secret to his technique... So, you've finally got one! You reel it in, cup your hand around the fishy's head, slide your hands back so those fins don't get you, then wiggle the hook free. (You can get your older sister to do this part for you as well)

This past Saturday, we pull up to our secret spot. Daddy hands me a pole with just a lure. He tells me to go ahead and throw a couple casts while he gets my pole (with a cork) ready. I don't normally fish this way. I've done it a few times, but I'm more comfortable with a bright colored ball floating on top of the water, sitting in a chair eating sunflower seeds, and just chillin! So anyways, this pole he hands me has a lure on the end. The lure doesn't float. You can't see it while it's in the water. The trick is, once your cast it out, you have to reel it back in. If you leave it out there, it doesn't do a good job of attracting fish and you'll probably be sitting all day. If you don't snag one, you throw the line back out and reel it in again. Eventually, you will catch one (maybe even the first one of the day... just saying...) I don't think I had ever caught a fish using this method before, but Saturday I did (rather quickly, actually) so I continued to use it for the rest of the afternoon. Will and I got into a small boat, paddled out and around and just hung out. We talked, laughed, and of course caught some fish! I was stunned that I was catching fish this way--I think it's my new favorite way to fish!

It must have been Monday when I was thinking back on my weekend when a thought struck me. Okay, stay with me. Some of you know I'm a girl of analogies.

I was thinking about this season of life and how I'm growing and changing in many different areas. Spiritually, emotionally, the way I relate to others, and my general outlook on life. Today I am a much more assertive person than I was 5 years ago, even 5 months ago. I am actively living life, not just sitting back watching it fly by. I am actively seeking God in my life, not just waiting for Him to drop things in my lap. I am more outgoing (well try to be) in my relationships. I try to be the person who initiates conversations or asks about other people, not just wait for them to come talk to me or ask how I am. God has changed me in many ways and continues to do so each day.

I find it fitting that I now prefer to fish with a lure (without a cork, whatever the professional terminology is). I like to think I'm more like a lure than a cork. You see, when you fish with a lure, you have to put forth effort. You throw out the line, reel it in, and repeat. It takes some work. You don't just sit staring at a cork on top of the water. You are out looking for those fish, not just waiting for them to come to you. You're taking an active role in trying to catch them. You are giving yourself better chances of catching something by covering more area. If you cast in one direction a couple times with no bite, then you simply try another direction. Rather than sitting in one spot and not moving, you are constantly bringing your line back in and throwing it out again.

So as silly as it may be, I'm thankful God uses small things to teach me big lessons. It may not mean much to you, but it meant a lot to me (to realize these things in my life). Right now, in life, you're one of the two. The cork- sitting around, just waiting for things to come to you, and missing out on so much that God has planned for you, or the lure-on the move, constantly seeking out your purpose in life and how to accomplish it. I'm sorry, but I've been the cork. It's pretty lame and boring. I don't ever want to go back to just sitting and waiting on things to happen in my life. Actively seeking out God is much more exciting and rewarding! Knowing him more and becoming more like him can only happen when you play an active role in your relationship with him. The more you seek him, the more you will find him and see him working in your life. The more time you spend with him, the more he changes your heart and makes you more like him. Maybe you don't have a relationship with Christ. Talk to someone you think may be able to help you figure those things out. Come visit us at Church Central. We meet every Sunday and we'd love to have you! Maybe you do have a relationship with Christ, but you've just been sitting on the sidelines. Wake up, get back in the game. Now is the time. Life is too short to sit around and miss out on what God is doing in your life and the ways he could be using you.

Until my next post...