You Don't Have to be Fake

I'm not good at being fake. I never have been. Whatever the emotion: stressed, aggravated, sad, mad, you can see it on my face. It's not that I don't try to seem okay. I'm just not good at pretending. The harder I try, the more exhausted I get. You never have to guess what I'm thinking or what's going on in my mind. You can read me like a book and I see it as a flaw. This is not an excuse to be rude, but rather, a way of showing that I'm real. After all, "christians" are normal people.

If I can't fool those around me, why do I think I can fool the One who created me? Sometimes I pretend to be okay before Him, like I'll follow faithfully no matter what. While this is partly true, I'm not always okay with what's going on in my life. Sometimes I get aggravated and annoyed with God. I get frustrated when things don't go the way I think they should. I get aggravated when things don't happen at the times I think they should. I think in my mind, sometimes not daring to ask aloud, "God what are you doing? What is happening in my life? This is not how I planned it."

As much as I want to be sometimes, I dont have to be fake with God. Even if I try, he sees through it. When I'm frustrated, I tell him. When I'm sad, I tell him. When I'm anxious, I tell him. No matter what it is, I tell him. While I think it is okay to express my frustrations and anxieties to Him (after all, He already knows my heart), sometimes I just need a little perspective and all of a sudden, my thought process changes. Rather than dwelling on cirumstances I can't change, I choose to believe that God is on my side and he has my best in mind. He reminds me that his best for me is not always what I think is best for me. Other times, it may be. I sometimes pray with words that I don't truly mean, but as I talk to him, I beg him to help me pray them sincerely.

I realize I fight a tough battle here on earth. There are people and circumstances that challenge my faith and make life difficult at times. These seasons in life cause me to yearn for the day when he returns or calls me home and all the cares and anxieties of this world will pass away. No more tears, no more sorrows; only praising him forever.

Until that time, I continue to fight as hard as I can. I refocus my perspective and regain my determination. I evaluate the important things in life and remember all my blessings. I lace up my shoes and start to jog again. Before I know it, I'm back running as fast as I can, so that I may finish well.

God reminds me that if anyone can read me like a book, it's him. After all, he's writing the words on each and every page. And as I trust him to write my story, he reminds me that he is working all things together for my good. He has a purpose and a plan; a story just for me that goes exceedingly beyond anything I can ask or imagine. The circumstances I was upset about before all of sudden hold no weight. They pale in comparison to knowing him. He reminds me, once again, that he is all I need. He is more than enough and, once again, I choose to be satisfied in him.