Even In The Waiting

I have thought about how to word this post and what to say for a while now. I never came up with anything, so I'm just going to see what happens! (Warning: It is long, but my prayer is that you or someone you know finds it encouraging. I could write a book on my experience and some day I might, but this is a very condensed version of my story.)

I want you to know that the news of our pregnancy was not shared without first thinking about a few people--the people who are wondering what is taking so long to get pregnant, the people who are taking fertility treatments in hopes of getting pregnant, and the people who have been diagnosed as 'infertile'. I don't know who you are, but I thought about you all before I shared my news. And this post is for you!

I was once in your shoes. I thought "if I see ONE more post about someone being pregnant, I am going to LOSE it!" I was jealous of those girls. Sometimes I even got mad. I "liked" photos that I really hated and I commented with half-hearted "Congrats". I'm just being honest. When I posted ours news on Facebook, I didn't want to be one of those people that other women hated or were jealous of (or maybe I'm the only psycho who has felt like this). I wanted to post my picture with the status "I KNOW HOW YOU FEEL AND I AM SORRY IF THIS HURTS YOU!" and I would have meant every word.

I understand that pregnancy is not an easy thing for everyone. My husband and I tried for almost a year--this may not be as long as some of you have been trying, but I think everyone who has trouble getting pregnant reaches a point where they feel hopeless. And I know that feeling all too well.

I came off BC in September of 2012. We started 'really' trying in January of 2013. At first, things started out stress free and I thought "I hope things stay this way. I don't want to track this and that and go by a schedule. I won't be one of those crazy women." But one month after another the answer was the same-not pregnant. And before long, I became what I had set out not to become. I did what I had set out not to do. And I felt like a crazy woman. At the time, I thought I was doing what I should, but looking back, all of the tracking and planning just caused more stress and worry.

At one point, I wasn't sure if I'd ever conceive on my own or at all. By September of 2013, I had lost hope. The smallest things made me cry and I was an emotional wreck to say the least. Some days I didn't even want to face the day. It didn't help that only a few people knew we were trying. To everyone else, I had to put on a fake happy face and act like everything was okay. I couldn't tell anyone about the ache in my heart because I couldn't stand one more "it will happen in God's time".

I just wanted to be a momma, was that so much to ask? Satan didn't waste any opportunities to knock me down and convince me I was broken. I even believed that other girls were "more spiritual" or "had their lives together" and that's why they were pregnant and I wasn't. There were a few people I found out were pregnant who hadn't been trying and the devil said, "See, even they can get pregnant and you can't." And every time I felt myself being knocked down lower and lower into this pit that I felt like I couldn't escape. This worry and anxiety and yearning for something that I couldn't make happen started to consume me and I had to fight every single day to believe that my God still loved me and still heard the literal cries of my heart.

I don't see how people make it through life without faith and a relationship with Christ. Without God, especially this past year, I don't see how I would have survived without going into depression--and I'm being dead serious. God's love for me was the only thing that gave me joy some days. And other days I questioned if it was enough.

By October, I was tired and so over trying for a baby. I was frustrated, angry, and just over it. I had finally accepted the possible reality: Adam and I may never have kids of our own. As much as it hurt to accept this possible reality, I had decided that God was still good, He was still in control, and He would always be enough for me.

Towards the end of October, I attended Women of Faith that was 'coincidentally' themed "Believe God Can Do Anything". One speaker, Liz Higgs, spoke specifically about barren women in the Bible for her entire time. And I thought to myself, God, I could be the only one in this arena right now because I feel like you're talking directly to me. Of course, I'm not that special and I'm sure many women were struggling with getting pregnant just like me! She reminded us that "God loves barren women: Rachel, Sarah, Elizabeth" and "In you barren-ness of life, God is getting ready to do a miracle." Well, she said it herself. I had considered myself 'barren' and now God was going to give me my miracle! I felt like I had had faith. I had believed God could do anything, but for some reason, I was still not pregnant. I supposed that all I could do was wait and keep trusting that God was doing something that I couldn't understand.

By the end of December, the end of the year had come. All I wanted for Christmas was a baby and I still didn't have one. On December 22nd I journaled: "Today I am very frustrated. I feel like I'm on the verge of a break down! I feel like I've surrendered. I've waited. I've trusted. I've grown. I've waited some more. I've depended on Him. God, I don't know what else you want from me! I don't know what else to do." And then I wrote out the lyrics to a song that I listened to quite often in this season of waiting and hopelessness- "Reason to Sing" by All Sons and Daughters. I wrote out these lyrics because they were exactly how I felt that day (and many days prior). I know this post is getting lengthy, but I want to include some of those lyrics:

When I'm overcome by fear
And I hate everything I know
If this waiting lasts forever
I'm afraid I might let go
I'm afraid I might let go
I need a reason to sing
I need a reason to sing
I need to know that You're still holding
The whole world in Your hands
I need a reason to sing

When I thought about 2014, I didn't know how I could face another year like the one I had just had. But somehow, the peace that only God gives, reassured me that He would hold onto me and that He would help me through.

On Saturday, January 18th, I woke up early and laid in bed wide awake. I decided to go take a test because I hadn't in a while and by now I was used to the "NOs".

When the word "pregnant" popped up on that little test, I think I could've jumped through my roof! I just kept shaking my head side to side as if I didn't believe what I was reading and saying, "Oh my God! Oh my God!" And I was sincerely crying out to Him with a thankful heart.

Adam had taken Nyquil so he was still knocked out in bed. I paced my bathroom and finally walked into my closet where I fell to my knees and sobbed....and sobbed. And I thanked God for this miracle that had finally come. I couldn't even talk to God. I had no words. But my heart overflowed with thankfulness and my tears said it all.

I know that all stories don't have the "happy ending" that this one does--for a while I wasn't sure mine would either. So, if you are waiting and wondering why it is taking so long to get pregnant, or if you have been diagnosed as "infertile", I don't have any magic words to say that will take all your pain and worry away. I can only reassure you that I and many women out there can relate to your pain. And I am so sorry that you are having to experience it. I hope and pray that God does bless you with that baby that you so desire, but the truth is I can't guarantee it. No one can. And the uncertainty is what I hated most. I tear up as I type this because I remember that pain. I remember wondering if I would ever have a baby. I remember wondering "Why me, God? Why is this so difficult for me?" and the only answer I've come up with so far is that maybe, somehow my story can give hope and encouragement to women going through the same thing. There are women out there who have been diagnosed with infertility, who will never conceive on their own, and I can only imagine the faith that these women have. To those women, whom I feel I have no place to even give advice, I hope you know you aren't broken. I read somewhere during my time of waiting that "Sometimes God's power is shown as much in preventing things as it is in making them happen. We may never know why, but we can always (know) and trust the Who." I hope this gives you peace, wherever you are in your journey to motherhood.

I hope that you know Jesus because, although He doesn't always give us all the answers, He does make it a lot easier to get through difficult times. Without Him, I have no hope. Without Him, I have no joy. Without Him, I have no peace. Without Him, I couldn't have made it through 2013 and my time of waiting. So please, find out more about what this relationship with Jesus can mean for you. Ask someone that you trust to help you answer any questions you may have.

I hope that if you don't know Him, you'll find Him, and then you'll follow Him.
He is always good.
He is always enough.
Even in the waiting.



Please share if you or someone you know is struggling with getting pregnant or a season of waiting.

The Post I Never Posted

This was a post I wrote on December 29th, but never posted. I did not know that I was pregnant at the time.

When I think back over the past year, there's so much I could share. There have been many struggles and victories, tears and laughter, days where I didn't know if I'd make it through and days where I felt like I could conquer the world. 

I have never fought as hard to believe God's word as I have this past year. There were days where I had to fight to believe His promises. There were days where I had to fight to believe His grace was enough because, honestly, I didn't always 'feel' like it was. There were days where I didn't know how much longer I could keep fighting to believe the things that I didn't feel to be true. And there were days where I was tired of fighting, so I just rested. I rested in His arms and let Him a carry me. He was faithful every time. There were days where I felt like I was all alone in this fight, like no one could possibly understand how I feel, but God reminded me every time that he was right there with me. The times I couldn't feel Him near was when he was the closest.

Before this year, I did not truly know what it means to fight for faith. But as I go into 2014, I am much closer to a God who adores me. I know what it means to have faith because God has grown my faith tremendously over the past year. I have gained perspective on many different things. I have learned (and am still learning) what it means to wait on God and to trust Him even when He doesn't give me what I want when I want it. I've realized that God may never give me some of the things I pray for, but I have decided that I will praise Him anyway. I'm learning that His ways are not my ways and I can't always understand the 'whys' of life. 

The truth is that Adam and I spent 2013 trying for a baby. As of December 29th God has still not blessed us in that way. There have been days where I've struggled with the reality of that. Some days I bless His name and others I cry out in anger and frustration. Again, some days I think I can conquer whatever comes my way and other days the smallest things make me feel defeated. I don't share this with you so that you will feel sorry for me or ask me how I'm doing every time you see me. I don't share this to give you something to add to your list of small town gossip. The only reason I'm sharing this is to show you, all of you, that I serve a great big God. He is good and that is the answer to all my 'whys'. No, it doesn't make sense to me, but I don't have to understand it all, because He is good. His love is enough. His grace is enough. And on the days where I don't feel like those things are true, I declare them to be true. I claim that they are true and I choose to believe that they are true. "Doubt is an emotion. Belief is a choice." (Angie Smith)

My circumstances do not define who God is and even if he doesn't bless us with a child, we cannot deny that he has blessed us in other ways. We have so much to be thankful for. I've learned that this is the secret to being content in all circumstances. When I reflect on all that God has given me and done for me, I can't help but feel blessed.

2013 has been a year of faith, trust, and learning what it means to fully depend on God. The well-known lyrics of "Oceans" have been my prayer many days this year. I have learned what it means to depend on God for many different things. I've learned what it means to need to the Lord- not just say that I need Him, but actually, really NEED Him.

As we welcome 2014, I would be lying if I said I'm not a little fearful. Of course, I wonder if I will have to endure another year like this one, but God didn't fail me in 2013 and I don't believe He will in 2014. In fact, I told a good friend the other day: It scares me a little to think of what this next year may bring, but I'm trying to rest in the fact that it's in God's hands. I know he will take care of us because he is faithful. However this works out is for my good and I choose to believe  that.

I don't know what this next year will hold. Maybe God will see it fit to bless us with a baby, maybe he won't. "The most important aspect of all of this is to know what God's calling is in (my) life, and understand who I am in Christ, not what I hoped I would be." I hope to one day be a mommy, maybe not even to children that I conceive, but despite whether or not this ever happens, I will always be a daughter of God. I am His and that is where I will always find my identity.

As fearful as I may be at times, I'm ready for 2014 because I know God's not done with me yet.

After Four Years

There's been a lot I've wanted to blog about lately. I haven't posted since December of last year (I know, only about two months ago). But, there has been a lot going on.

Anyways, today is mine and Adam's four year anniversary! Some days I wonder how we've made it four years (married). Other days I wish time would freeze.

We're no longer considered "newlyweds" and, for some reason, this makes me sad. I have always known we wouldn't stay young teens forever, but some days that life seems so much easier. And some days I miss it.
No house to keep clean (not that ours stays spotless).
No bills to pay.
No cares in the world. Our only worry being what kind of date we'd go on the next weekend.
Riding around in a jacked up truck.
Holding his hand as tight as I could because I knew that, soon, I'd have to be home.

Last weekend we went to the movies. While we were sitting there waiting for it to start, we saw two young couples walk in. They couldn't have been 15 or 16. The two girls came in giggling about every little thing and the two boys wore shy smiles. I looked at him with a pouty face and said, "I want to be young again!". He just smiled, knowing what I meant.

Young love. So cliché, but if you've experienced it, you know what I mean! It's careless, sometimes wreckless, and even fearless.

I do miss those days, but I'm thankful for different days. Not better or worse. Just different.

These days I don't have to squeeze his hand because (as long as God allows) I get to hold it anytime I want. These days we don't have to go ride in a truck to be around each other. Some days we need a break from each other! These days I find myself getting that "young love" feeling in the most unexpected ways at the most unexpected times.

We thought we knew what love was back then. I think we did, in a way. As we've gotten older (you might say we are that old, but we started dating at 15), we've learned that love isn't an emotion. It's not something we're always going to feel. But it is a choice. And, up to this point, it's a choice we've made each day-to love each other no matter what. By the way, that's not always an easy choice to make.

So, after four years of marriage:
I have let go of how the world says my marriage should look.
I have realized that everyday is not a fairytale, but some days come close.
I have realized that the reality of (my) marriage is far better than that of anything Nicholas Sparks could have written. Not perfect. Not always "romantic". But, much better.
I have learned to love the man I married for who he is; not who I think he should be.
I have learned that neither of us is perfect. We will both mess up. Forgiveness is key.
I have learned that it takes way more patience to love me that it does to love him.

I must confess: the name of my blog is a huge lie. Well, a partial lie. I do "babble" a lot on my blog, but it's not always from a "blissful" bride. Every day is not bliss, but I'm okay with that.

A new name for my blog has been in the works for a while now. I've been throwing around some ideas and I think I'm going to change it soon.

If you haven't heard, we're going to have a BABY in September! I have been wanting to blog about this since before we announced it, so that will be my next post!

Until then...

Redefining Christmas

A while back Adam and I talked about what we wanted to give each other for Christmas this year. One gift? Two? Spend a certain amount each? Somewhere in the discussion the radical idea was thrown out there: What if we just pay it forward this Christmas? What if we give to others rather than ourselves? What if we do things that are out of our comfort zone and may seem strange to some? What if, this year, we redefine Christmas?

Weirdos. For sure.

Well, that's exactly what we've done. Whether we've bought the people's food behind us in the drive thru, given gifts (more like essentials) to a family that is special to us from a local neighborhood, given a bigger tip than usual, or just given money away to complete strangers, the point was to give to others instead of ourselves-not because funds are low, not to be able to tell everyone what we've done, not to feel better about ourselves, but to simply give to others. Yes, there are things out there we could have bought each other, but really, do we need any more stuff? Are there things we want? Sure. Are there things we need? No, not really. All of the basics are covered for us and we're thankful for that.

So tomorrow morning we will sleep in a little later. We will still get up with the same excitement, but I'm sure it will be different. At least, I hope it will be. After all, the tree is bare underneath- no presents stacked all around. There will be no gifts exchanged between the two of us, but at the risk of sounding extremely chee-say, we both have the greatest gift we could ask for. Thank God we have a Savior; a relationship with Jesus; the most important gift we could have ever been given. We will be reflecting on that gift as we celebrate Christmas this year. That gift is available for you too. You don't have to earn it. You don't have to work for it. You don't have to be special to get it. Maybe you will exchange gifts with your family-awesome! But think about accepting this gift of salvation. Jesus is waiting for you. As we celebrate his birth, will you accept what He was born to do? He was born, lived without sin, and died on a cross for all of our mistakes and short-comings. He died to make a way for us to stand before God spotless and blameless.

We sang a song Sunday morning and the (pre)chorus is so, so sweet. It has stuck with me all week.

Oh how He loves us so
Oh how He loves us
How He loves us so

He loves us
Oh how He loves us
Oh how He loves us
Oh how He loves

This is what Christmas is really all about: God's great love for us
Love that sent his only son to earth
Love that was humble in coming into the world through the least glamorous way possible
Love that hung on a cross to pay for my mistakes and wrong-doings; for all the ways I fall short
Love that restores a broken relationship between God and people
Love that has defeated the grave
Love that gives hope when the storms rage
Love that shines when darkness tries to take over
Love that never fails us
Love that never gives up on us
Love that never changes its mind
Love that never lets go
Love that never runs out
Love that meets us where we are
Love that fights for us
Love that protects us
Love that always prevails
Love that is deep and wide
Love that is immeasurable
Love that is incomprehensible
Love that is constant
Love that is unchanging
Love that is selfless
Love that is unconditional
Love that is indescribable
Love that remains

Yes, God sent Jesus to earth; born into the world a miracle. Yes, we celebrate His birth during this season, but what's also amazing and worth celebrating is God's great love for us. If you actually read and reflect on the list above, it's amazing. I don't know anyone that loves me in all the ways listed above. My parents don't love me this way. My own husband doesn't love me this way. This love is a special kind that God has for his children.

There is nothing like the love of God.
Do you know this love?
Have you encountered this love?
When you do, you will never be the same after. You will be changed, different than before.
I encourage you to learn more about this great love. Ask someone about it and what it can mean for you.
For those who know what it is to experience this love, may we reflect on it, especially during this time.

I hope you all have a Merry Christmas and are full of thankfulness!

If You Want Me To

I grew up (from youth age on) singing "specials" in church. If you're confused, this just means someone gets up and sings a song and hopefully it's a blessing to someone. Well, before I was on 'praise team', I would sing specials on Sunday morning or Sunday evenings in the church I grew up in. I've sung many different things, but one song has always been my favorite. It's called If You Want Me To by Ginny Owens. Some of you may have heard it before. It's fairly old. I sang it as a young teenage girl and it's meaning was completely different to me back then.

A couple weeks ago, a special friend of mine asked me to sing a song at a banquet celebrating her being nominated for teacher of the year. She asked me to sing this song, If You Want Me To. Since I had sung it many times before, I put off going over it until the days before the banquet (yesterday and today). 

As I sit down and sing through this song, I cannot help but reflect on the words of it.

"The pathway is broken and the signs are unclear

And I don't know the reason why You brought me here

But just because You love me the way that You do

I'm gonna walk through the valley if You want me to"

Wow. How relevant to my life right now. Lord, I don't know which way to turn. I don't know what to do with life. There are some paths that I can't navigate on my own. I don't know why I'm at this place in life. I don't know the reason for this season. But, just because You love me. I will walk through this valley if that's what you call me through. I know that You are with me every step of the way. You will guide my path. You make my steps secure.

"So if all of these trials bring me closer to You

Then I will go through the fire if You want me to"

God if the trials are what bring me closer to You, then that's where I want to be. 

"It may not be the way I would have chosen

When You lead me through a world that's not my home

But You never said it would be easy

You only said I'd never go alone"

This definitely is not the way I would have chosen. But I know as I walk through life here on earth that this is not my home. You never promised me this walk with You would be easy, but you did promise that I would never be alone.

"So when the whole world turns against me and I'm all by myself

And I can't hear You answer my cries for help

I'll remember the suffering Your love put You through

And I will go through the valley if You want me to"

There have been times when I've felt like no one here understands or sees what I've gone through. There have been times when I've poured out my heart before God and felt like he hasn't heard, much less answered my cries and prayers. But I know that my suffering in life grows me closer to the Lord, that I might know Him in his suffering. 

It was true in my life as a 15 year old girl; it's true in my life now, as an almost 25 year old woman; and I intend on it being true in my life until I leave this world; I trust in the Lord. I trust in His unfailing love. I trust in Him to provide for me. I trust in Him to work all things out for my good. And I trust that He will walk with me through any valley this life may bring.

No Excuses

Adam wore a shirt with this saying on it when I ran my first half marathon. It was very fitting at the time and I find it relevant again in my life right now.

Back in August, I started back at the gym regularly. It's easier for me to be consistent with my exercising when I have a consistent schedule (excuse #1). But really. It is! Anyways, I got back into my gym routine hoping to tone up a little. I got over the fact that I will never be a double 0 yearrrssss ago, because-let's face it-these hips don't lie. So, I resolved to work with what my mama gave me (thanks Mama).

I have a bunch of pictures put together as a collage that I sometimes let sit on my bathroom mirror as motivation. Some are actual pictures of fit girls and others are motivational saying. The past 2-3 weeks I have slacked off...... as in not gone to the gym at all and eaten like crap (transparent moment). Towards the end of last week I decided to get back at it. There's this class at the gym that has got to be from the devil because it's just awful. Most times I can't walk in the days after. Tuesday afternoon I took that class, Body Pump, and wasn't 100% motivated to be there or work hard. It was probably during my 1,369th squat, when I could no longer feel my legs burning, that I realized something....
I have this image in my mind of what I want my body to look like-don't worry, it's realistic. I scroll through Pinterest and overload my Fitness Board with workouts and quotes to help me reach my fitness goals. I think about the idea a lot more than I actually try to make it a reality. And so it hit me- I want these things, but am I ready/willing to put in the work it takes to make it a reality? Just because I pin pictures of girls with tight booties and six packs doesn't mean my body will magically look like theirs. I can pin all the motivational quotes I want to, but they aren't going to drive me to the gym and make me sweat.

Some days I give it 110% and other days I'm doing good to get myself from work to home and stay awake past 7:00. (excuses # 2 and 3) I'm not (always) willing to make sacrifices at breakfast, lunch, and dinner. I'm not (always) willing to drive myself to the gym and work out. I'm not (always) willing to put in the work it would take to meet my goal.
I'm getting to the point where I just want to take it day by day and attempt to make good choices to get the results I want. I know I will fail and make mistakes. There will be days when I eat something I probably shouldn't and more of it than I probably should, but I won't completely give up. Just like this 2-3 week falling out. I'm not going to let it turn into a 2-3 month detour. I have resolved to get back at it and do my best each day.
Tonight I went to the gym at 6:30, which is usually late (excuse #4) but I'm on fall break this week. I was expecting to take Body Jam, a hip-hop/dance class (I also usually do Zumba)---yeah, white girl thinks she got moves---only to get

Okay, that's the last ecard. I could post them all day!

there and find out Body Jam is no longer on Wednesdays at 6:30. Told ya, I've been out a while. So, of course, I should leave because the class I wanted to do isn't tonight (excuse #5). Since there weren't many people there and I was not feeling motivated AT all, I texted my sweet hubby who was just trying to deer hunt in peace and quiet for some motivation. I shared my distress with him and asked for motivation. He suggested I run. That wasn't possible because I did not have my iPod (excuse #6) and I wore long pants (excuse #7). Really, Cason? You wore pants so you can't exercise? I'm laughing out loud at myself right now. He suggested I do legs and I quickly responded that I was still sore from Pump (excuse #8 but very true). At this point I decided to let the man hunt and make a decision. Did I want to keep making excuses or did I want to get a quick workout in? I was already there, he was hunting, so if I came home I'd be by myself. Plus I reminded myself of my goal. I won't get there if I keep making excuses. So, I decided to go do a little abs. I feel like it was somewhat productive and was definitely better than nothing.

Hang on, we're gonna switch gears, but please don't leave yet!

A couple Sundays ago, Pastor Jeff mentioned that a lot of us want faith. We want a faith that can "move mountains". We want an unshakable faith. We want faith that can withstand any circumstances life throws our way. But most of us, more than likely, would not sign up for what it may take to 'build' that kind faith. We wouldn't jump to the front of the line to go through the difficult situations; the circumstances that seem hopeless; the times where we feel all alone and can't see a light at the end of the tunnel; the times when we can't make sense of anything around us. Most of us, if we are honest, would not volunteer to go through those things, but (most times) that's how strong faith is built; that's how our dependence on God grows.

We want to know God more. We want to learn more about who He is. We want to feel "closer" to the Lord, but we aren't willing to discipline ourselves or be intentional with our time. We want to grow in our faith and knowledge of the Bible, but we aren't willing to do what it takes to get from point A to point B. We make excuses: I'm tired, I don't want to get up a little bit earlier to have a quiet time, I have to _________, I'd rather watch t.v, I'd rather scroll through Facebook/Twitter/Instagram/insert other forms of social media here (excuse #9-13). We may not verbally say "I'd rather", but look at what you spend majority of your time doing. That's what you're investing in. Personally, when I think about that, I'm not proud of what I'm investing most of my time in (we already know it's not my fitness). Honestly, it is a complete waste of time. Maybe for you that isn't the case, great! While I don't believe we have to work to earn our relationship with Christ or our favor with Him, I do believe we are to put forth effort in order to mature.

So, what excuses are you making in life? What do you keep putting off? What goals do you want to set for yourself-physically, spiritually, mentally? You don't have to wait for December 31st to start your resolutions. What's wrong with tomorrow? I've learned: Your results won't change until your behavior does. And you won't change your behavior until you've just had enough and get sick of the same results. When you truly want a change, you are determined to make it happen. You realize that you will make mistakes along the way, but just like trying to get healthy-there's always tomorrow. With Jesus, you don't have to wait for tomorrow. He's there right now. He's loved you since before you were born. He loved you so much that he died on a cross for you so that you can (truly) live (on earth and) in heaven. He didn't make excuses. If you need hope, security, comfort, freedom, purpose, joy, peace, fill in the blank, you can find it in Him. I challenge you to find someone to talk to if you have questions about Jesus or God and who He is. Deciding to follow Him has not been the easiest one I've ever made, but it's been the most fulfilling and meaningful one by far.
So what are you gonna do? Are you ready for a change?
If you are, remember: No excuses!

Promises of a New Season

Foreword: The tiny thought that inspired this post made a lot more sense in my head. I feel a little distracted, so I hope all of this makes sense. Thanks for reading!


The "inspiration" for this post came about a while back. A couple of weeks ago, I was outside and felt the slightest cool breeze blow. I love that time of year; where you start to feel fall in the air. It brings back many childhood memories that I hold close, many of which took place in a concrete parking lot in Athens, Georgia on game day. That feeling means different things to different people. When I felt the cool air that day, I automatically got excited for college football (Blame my Daddy, brother, and Papa. They ruined me. Growing up, I knew way to much about the sport and in high school I knew more about UGAs players/stats than your average teenage girl.)  

However, there was another feeling that was brought about by the cool air that day. This feeling was a new one. I hadn't felt it in years past. The cool air was coming as a relief to the hot summer we experienced, which made me think... A new season is coming; a cool, new season, full of another set of months and different weather than what we've been having. For the first time, as I felt fall coming, I also felt a sense of hope. Hopeful for cooler days. Hopeful for holidays that allow me to spend more time with my family. Hopeful for new colors on the trees. Hopeful for a change in scenery. Hopeful for a change, period. Hopeful that even though things aren't going my way, they are working out how they should. Hopeful that I won't always feel this way. Hopeful that I will soon be back on top of the mountain instead of deep in the valley. Hopeful that the Lord is showing me something through this time.

I feel like that was legit babbling, so let me try to bring it together! Maybe you are going through a difficult time; I am. Just being honest. I am having a tough time as I'm sure has been made evident through my blogging. It's not with one thing or another; it's just with life. This season sucks for lack of a better word. Yes, I am seeking God through it and I am trying to stay positive and learn in it, but it is hard and I don't like it. That day I felt the cool breeze, I was reminded that just as the seasons change year-round, so do the seasons of life. It's so cliché, but I'm gonna go there: This too shall pass. And it will. Whatever you are going through, whatever I am going through, we will get through it one way or another. We may not be able to see the 'light at the end of the tunnel' (man! tonight I'm being chee-say -Will, that was for you if you're reading), but we will soon (or not so soon) be moving into a new season. Fall is coming (well, when I was first inspired to write this)!

Now, fall has come. We are in its midst and it is making its presence known with cool mornings and evenings. As promised, leaves are starting to change and fall from the trees. Days are getting shorter. Nights are getting longer. And I'm reminded of the Lord's faithfulness to me (and you). He will do what He says He is going to do. He will take care of his children. His word is true and He keeps his promises.

So, I believe from now on, when I feel the first cool breeze that promises a new season is coming, I will not only think about college football, red & black, and pom-poms, but I will also be reminded of the Lord's faithfulness to me and the hope I have in Him; hope for a new season; hope that He has my best planned out; hope that He will do exceedingly more than I can ask or imagine.